Some funny poems I have come across recently...


Some Guinness was spilled on the Barroom Floor
When the Pub was shut for the night.
Out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the Pale Moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy brew from the floor,
Then back on his haunches he sat
And all night long you could hear him roar:
"BRING ON THE GODDAM CAT"

Rapunzel! Rapunzel!
"Rapunzel! Rapunzel! You've cut off your hair!
Your billowing tresses are no longer there.
That mohawk you're sporting is spiky and pink.
I'm really not certain just what I should think.

"I came here expecting to clamber a braid,
ascending your tower to come to your aid.
Instead I have suffered the greatest of shocks
to find that you've cut off your lovely blonde locks."

"Prince Charming, Prince Charming," Rapunzel replied,
"I have no intention of being your bride.
We will not get married. We will not elope.
I've cut off my hair and I've braided a rope.

"You came here to visit me once every day,
and promised that soon you would take me away,
but you were too clueless to even concieve
of cutting my hair off so we could just leave.

"I cannot believe you were such a big dope.
I come and I go as I please with my rope.
And so, I'm afraid I can't give you my hand.
In spite of the fabulous wedding you planned."

From then on Rapunzel was known through the land.
She toured the world in a rock and roll band.
And silly Prince Charming, with rocks in his head,
rode off and got married to Snow White instead.
--Kenn Nesbitt

Sleeping Beauty
Sleeping Beauty pricked her thumb,
started feeling overcome.
Probably she would have died
as the witch had prophesied,
but the fairies had her blessed
so she just got beauty rest.
For a hundred fifty years
she missed balls and film premieres,
till Prince Charming came along
singing out a cheerful song.
Kneeling down he kissed her cheek
hoping that she'd wake and speak.
Sleeping Beauty raised an arm
reaching for the snooze alarm
and her waking words were these:
"Just need five more minutes please."
--Kenn Nesbitt

I'm Practically Perfect
I'm practically perfect in every respect.
I haven't a flaw you could ever detect.
As soon as you know me I'm sure you'll agree
there's no one around who's as perfect as me.

I'm handsome and rich, with a generous heart.
I'm funny, and charming, and totally smart.
At school, in my classes, I only get A's.
I'm also athletic in so many ways.

My clothes are expensive. My hair is just right.
My teeth are all straight, and they're shiny and white.
I'm practically perfect. I'm sure you could tell.
And, oh, did I mention? I'm humble as well.
--Kenn Nesbitt

Sick Fish
The fish in our aquarium
are looking rather ill,
and most of them are turning
kind of green around the gill.

I might have fed them too much food,
forgot to clean their tank,
or maybe they're allergic to
the toys and junk I sank.

Perhaps I broke the thermostat.
I could have cut their air.
What's certain is they're sickly
from my downright lack of care.

But even though they're looking ill
I still have cause to gloat;
they're obviously talented--
they're learning how to float!
--Kenn Nesbitt